Friday, March 20, 2009

Lost Road Trip - want to come along?

I'm going on a road trip. Then a plane trip. Then a freaky, psychedelic trip.

First pit stop is the LA. Meet me at the Lamp Post. Apparently the Lamp Post is one of those places that calls for the "right place, right time" rule. I hope our Lostie friends in LA can help us determine what the 24 - 48 hour window right time IS or we may be waiting around for a long time.

Next stop is a plane to Guam. Or Hawaii. Or Fiji. OR Antartica. Or the Thousand Islands. At this point it is difficult to say for sure but in that 24 - 48 hour window this will be all be cleared up. One thing you can be certain of is that we will be flying over a large body of water.

Final step is go on the plane. Hmm, what to pack. Valium for one. This is going to be one rough plane ride. Regarding clothing, personal items, etc. what we pack really depends on what decade we are going to. Since that is also difficult to say, I say be prepared for both.

In the off chance that we land in the present time (Alas!), I will simply bring along my normal travel stuff including my itouch and cell phone. These can be ditched easily enough.

In hope that we are quite literally dropped into 1977 I will pack the following (please do your research before packing also!):
- Patchouli Oil
- Breck Shampoo
- Love Beads
- Jean Nate body splash
- Bell-Bottoms
- Bohemian shirts
- Macramé hanging for my quarters
- designer mess kit in harvest gold
- Earth shoes
- Required reading: "Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life", "Sisterhood Is Powerful" and Love Story.
- Two 2-dollar bills
- Brownie mix for Rosie
- Pony Tail holders for Horace
- Bicentennial memorabilia.
- Belt's to accessorize with the rather drab Dharma Khaki uniform. (Sorry, but I don't do jumpsuits)

Ohhh I really hope that the Island cherry picks us straight off the plane and sets us in 1977 Dharma land. Although La Fleur was not initially thought to be Dharma Material, I am sure that I will pass the test. I am all about world peace- a little alarming that so many Dharma members are packing heat because of those pesky Hostiles. I wonder if you can contentiously object to strapping a rifle to your person 24-7?

First on our agenda would be to discretely find SFL ("Sawyer-Ford-La Fleur") and convince him that we are here, much like the Huey Louis and The News song, to bring them "Back in Time". Although this would not mean anything to pre-Huey Dharma, it would demonstrate my strong knowledge of useless 80's pop culture to Sawyer and the gang, thus proving that we too are time jumpers....

Next on the agenda is to blend blend blend in, jump over to the processing station and get enrolled in the next new recruit Dharma initiation. Nameste! Oh, and no crappy "workman" duties for me. I am assigning myself a nice job such as "Art Director", "Beautification Engineer", or "Holistic Healer".

* I vehemently hope that our arrival would coincide with the sub transport of new recruits because there is no way in Hell I would survive in the jungle 1 day, much less 6 months. A simple warning - I would not be the best travel companion. If Christian Shephard or one of the various security systems greeted us in the dark I would die right there on the spot from immense fear and heart failure, leaving you to fend for yourself.

Ok - now onto the important stuff - we we have work to do. While you may opt to venture on to the Island tour, (visiting the temple, the foot statue, the various stations including orchid, the swan, the pre-explosion hatch, etc). I would be jumping right in to somebody else's business and busting up the love quadrangle otherwise known as Skate, Jate, Jacket and/or Suliet (Jack - Kate - Sawyer - Juliette). Not sure what this would entail but the end result would be that Kate stays with Jack, SFL stays with Juliette and everyone is happy. (Everyone except for Kate who will never be satisfied with where she is in life). Hey if this doesn't work I may try and convince SFL that I am the woman that he's always dreamed of , although being 3rd in line, my chances aren't looking so hot.

Now obviously I can't MYOB. Although I would have familiarized myself quite nicely with Halliwax's and Faraday's rules and I am generally NOT a rule breaker, I would be oh-so-tempted to warn Horace about the Purge. I am sure I could convince Hurley to join me. My plan would be simple - lie to him and tell him I see dead people too (and Miles too!). Then he would trust me and I could appeal to his every present Jiminy Cricket conscience to do the right thing - break the news to Dharma that cute lil Ben is a psychotic sociopath who along with the others will kill them all off. All except for Ethan apparently.

Double your pleasure, double your fun. One thing that does put quite a damper in that plan is that there are both a pre-teen AND a 40-something Benry running around the Island. Exposing Ben as the initiator of the purge would put me right on Ben's Bad List and that is not a good thing. I am not sure if being on the good list is a good thing either. Truth be known I really don't want to be on either list. The only list I want to be on is the Dharma Initiative new recruit roster. Just the thought of the exposure and the repercussions of exposing Benry / Ben Jr. for being are enough to make me take stock in the situation and resolve for once to keep my mouth shut. I have a feeling Sayid may be taking care of the Ben problem though, (or half of that problem at the very least - and my guess is that this would be the smaller half).

This alone should be enough to keep us busy for a while. Guess we will have to wait until next week's showing to see if our presence is needed. I will post an updated travel itinerary next week..... Until then Kumbaya!

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